


Remembering, Love.

by cuddlepuss



Category: Frank Iero - Fandom, Gerard Way - Fandom, LynZ Way - Fandom, MCR - Fandom, Mikey Way - Fandom, My Chemical Romance, bob bryar - Fandom, ray toro - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Brotherly Love, Love, Multi, Romance, Stress
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-05-17
Updated: 2014-05-17
Packaged: 2018-01-25 11:28:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1647008
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cuddlepuss/pseuds/cuddlepuss
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Two one shots that complement one another telling the tale of possible relationships within a group of friends and musicians.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Some angsty, fluffy nonsense I came dreamed up over a couple of evenings last year.

He thinks he’s keeping a secret, but I knew how he felt even before he did. He can’t hide that kind of thing from me, I’ve known him too well, too long. We’re brothers, see, Gerard and I, and, despite his being five years older than me, there are times, like now, when I need to take the ‘big brother’ role, and step in to protect him, look after him. Let me explain ….

We started the band just after 9/11, the terrorist attack on the twin towers of the world trade center, and Gerard, on his way to work at the time, actually saw the towers fall, the bodies tumbling through the air as they were blown out of the collapsing buildings. I truly believe that it DID something to my brother, inside. He changed, started drinking, smoking, doing drugs, anything to try to forget the unforgettable. He didn’t know how to cope.

Anyway, we were in this basement recording studio some bloke had set up at his mothers house, and we kept meeting up with this other band there. They were pretty good, some of their stuff similar to some of ours, and I could see, right off that Gerard was taken with the diminutive guitarist, Frank. I wasn’t surprised when, a couple months later, Gerard raised the idea of asking Frank if he’d like to join us. Judging by the speed and enthusiasm of his acceptance, I’d say he was interested in Gerard too.

Like I say, I’ve always been able to read Gerard, and, well, simply put, I liked Frank too, no, not as a potential date, but as a really good friend, someone to hang out with during lax times. Still, what I read in both of them, well, it got me worried for some reason. I couldn’t put my finger on why, but something about it troubled me, it didn’t fit, didn’t feel right, although, on the surface, they were perfect for each other. If only I’d known.

Even now, looking back, I can’t put my finger on when it started to go sour, all I know is that from the ‘Frerardiness’ on stage, it cooled, stiffened, until they were almost like enemies, to the point that Frank actually kicked Gerard in the balls ON STAGE one time. Ray and I, concerned, tried the old ‘divide and conquer’ routine, with me taking Gerard out, and Ray taking Frank. As I said, I can read my brother like a book, but Ray, persuasive as hell though he is, still got zip from Frank. 

Coming back with Gerard, and getting a subtle head shake from Ray, I collected Frank to take him to Starbucks, my treat. I didn’t really expect much difference from the ‘Miami under hurricane warning’ shut down reaction that Ray had gotten, but, when I got back to Frank with our drinks, his eyes were misty with tears he was desperately trying not to shed. Sitting down, I put napkins and his coffee in front of him and just sat there, sipping my own. Sniffing loudly, Frank turned to me, and, seeing my face, chuckled weakly. I knew why he was laughing. I had a cappuccino, and, while drinking some, had gotten a ‘moustache’ of foam on my lip, which I deliberately didn’t wipe away. What can I say, it broke the ice. Sighing, he looked back down at his lap, drank some coffee, and fiddled with a napkin, then he spoke.

You remember how I said I knew how Gerard felt even before he did? Well, he had his epiphany at the worst possible time, and being Gerard, high as a kite and practically paralytic, came out with it, opening his mouth before his brain caught up with him. You guessed it, he declared his new found love for Lindsey while buried bollocks deep inside of Frank. How he got away from there with his dick still attached to him I’ll never know. One thing I do know is that Frank’s angry, and hurting, and, I can’t blame him. I mean, Gerard is my brother and I love him dearly, but, given THAT situation, he really fucked up his timing, and I’m surprised Frank left it at ONE kick. I’m not sure I would have, situations reversed. Wrapping an arm around Frank’s shoulders, I comforted him.

It’s been a rough few months since then, Gerard obviously getting ever more excited as his new relationship with Lindsey deepened, while Frank grew more and more despondent. One night, after we’d been to an MSI gig, Gerard was practically walking on air, while Frank was almost slumped on the floor. Lindsey, the bassist with their group had penned RUN AWAY WITH ME on her arm, obviously, we knew it was aimed at Gerard. Frank, poor, hurting Frank, trying so hard to be brave in the face of Gerard’s rapture, promptly went to the bar, and, I don’t know HOW many hours later, when he came back, he was still sober, and was beaming all over his face. All he said was that she was wonderful, and her name was Jamia. He was also stinking of perfume. 

I didn’t understand it, I’m confused and worried, and all this stress is getting me down. I think I need a drink. Typical I suppose, just as everything getting sorted for everyone else, my life starts to get fucked up. The depression I suffered from as a teenager seems to be making a comeback, and, with Gerard just freeing himself from the clutches of drink and drug addiction, Frank newly infatuated with his Jamia, and Ray overboard about this Christa, I’ve no-one to talk to about it. I can feel myself on that same, steep, stark, slippery slope I was on before. Life is so unfair sometimes. Still, at least everyone else is doing okay now.


	2. Chapter 2

I’ll admit it, when I was new to the group, I was …. Uncomfortable, with the clear tensions running high within the band, on stage and off, so I kept to myself as best as I could. Gerard and Frank kissing and hugging all the time, and Ray all soft and sentimental about his Christa. Then the slow decay of the relationship between Frank and Gerard, as things went from a rapid boil to almost sub-zero, as Gerard’s eye was caught by a fellow musician from a different band. Frank’s growing depression, and Gerard’s battle with alcohol and drug addictions. Ray’s continuing relationship with Christa, and Mikey’s mother hen attitude to Frank and Gerard as he supported both through the break up, and ran himself ragged at the same time. I freely admit, I sat back and let it all wash over me as things just … fell apart. Looking back, I wish I’d done things differently.

It wasn’t until a few weeks later that, on stage one day, Mikey fell and landed awkwardly, staying down for a short while, that I began to wonder if something was wrong. I was horrified later when I ran him to ground by what I found. You see, like almost everyone else, because Mikey’s so self effacing, I didn’t really pay him too much mind, big mistake, and my heart jolts every time I remember …

But I’m getting ahead of myself. When I found Mikey that night, he was throwing a handful of tablets down his throat, and chugging down extra strong beer to wash them down. He started guiltily when I caught him. I snatched the pill bottle away before he could swallow any more, reading the label with ever widening eyes. BENZO-DIAZAPINE! The strongest dose I’d ever seen. No more than two in any twenty four hour period, and he’d been throwing down goodness knows how many. Avoid alcohol, and he’d been using it to take them with. Fuck! Right, Bob, take action, NOW! 

I frog marched him into the tiny kitchen and mixed as much salt as I could find with warm water, before marching him into the bathroom, and FORCING him to drink the lot, my only concern making him sick, so he regurgitated the damn drugs The sounds and smells of vomiting soon filled the bus, and all the time I stayed with him, supporting hm, comforting him, murmuring nonsense to try and make him feel better. In time the others came banging on the door, wanting to use the loo. I yelled to swallow it, Mikey was sick

When he finally stopped, I sat him on the closed toilet seat, and washed his hands and face, before having him clean his teeth. I’d pocketed the tablet bottle, I wasn’t ready to trust him with those, I’d look after them myself. Half carrying a weak and tearful Mikey back to the sleeping area, I laid him in his bunk. Brushing some hair from his eyes, I asked quietly what he’d been thinking with the tablets. Looking up at me with tear-glazed hazel eyes, his answer nearly brought me to my knees, they surely broke my heart.

.”Everyone else has someone, is happy, except me. What makes me so different, so unlovable? What did I do wrong ? Why go on living if I’m destined to be alone? I couldn’t stomach this life anymore, the bus so full of loving half couples, full of their romances, and me all alone. That’s why ….” Tears filled my own eyes as I gazed in disbelief at him. Leaning forward and tucking a few stray hairs behind his ear, I said ”What about me, Mikey Way? I’m all on my own too, don’t I count? Or, because I’ve not been involved in the dramas do I simply not matter? I’ll tell you something Mikey. When I first came on board, I kept to myself so much, because I’d not long since had a relationship go sour and break up, and I was uncomfortable with the romantic dramas going on around me.” With a sniffle, and a wry grimace, he sat up a little, and, taking my hand, said “Why didn’t you say, I’d have helped you?” 

I smiled softly at him, and put a hand gently under his chin, saying quietly ”Mikey, you were already tearing yourself apart, trying to help Gerard and Frank, even with the bit of help Ray gave you, you were still doing too much, as your actions earlier said.” Gasps came from behind me, and, I was unsurprised, on turning around, to see three rosy faces in the doorway. Gerard came forward. Kneeling beside me, he looked, REALLY looked, at his brother, for the first time, I’m guessing, since he fell for Lindsey, and he was horrified by what he saw.

His gasp brought the other two over, and poor, shy Mikey was the center of attention. He hid his face in his hands, sniffling again, and I didn’t even think, just tugged him gently into my arms, nestling him against my shoulder and neck, blocking him from view, cuddling him like a child. Resisting at first, he gradually relaxed into my embrace, his own arms snaking slowly around my waist, snuggling his face into my throat.

I sat and rocked him, murmuring nonsense again like a mother with a distressed child. Eventually, he calmed and relaxed completely, falling into a troubled sleep. I was torn. I knew I needed to confide what I’d discovered in the others, but I didn’t want to leave him alone. Deciding to go to the lounge area, which, while in ear shot, was out of direct eye line. Pushing the others before me, I sat on the edge of the first couch and began to rapidly speak. 

As I explained what I’d found out, and how I’d found Mikey that evening, the expressions on the faces of my audience changed dramatically. From suspicion, it morphed through horror, guilt, gratitude, respect, guilt again and, finally, curiosity. ”So, what are you going to do now, Bryar?” Gerard questioned me. I cocked an eyebrow at him, wondering if he realized just how …. Bizarre a question that was coming from the unwitting cause of all of this. I shrugged, saying ”Well, for right now, I’m going to go back there and sit with him, I may even nestle in with him, to make sure he’s alright overnight. Tomorrow, I’m going to take him out somewhere, just the two of us, see if I can get him to open up some more about what’s going on. One thing I can guarantee you though, for as long as he needs me, and I’m with you, he’ll never get that lonely and depressed again.” And he never did.


End file.
